More and more people are coming out on the internet about their experiences with abusive people. With all this talk about narcissists, emotional abuse, gaslighting, and more, you may be wondering what these terms mean. One of the words you may have read about is “hoovering.” This blog post will go over the definition of hoovering and why it happens.
What is Hoovering?
What are Examples of Hoovering?
Oftentimes, hoovering mimics fishing. The narcissist will send you a call or text as a way to cast their line and test the waters to see if you’ll take the bait. If you choose to respond, the narcissist will begin to force themselves into your life again. They may partake in love-bombing, which is when a narcissist showers you with love, praise, and gifts in order to regain your trust and affection. They may beg for forgiveness, no matter how horribly they have treated you in the past. They may explain how much they miss you, bring up fond memories of the past, and spin false stories about how much they need you.
On the other hand, a narcissist may take a more aggressive approach. They may make up false excuses to contact you in order to gain leverage and dig into your weak spots. They may do subtle jabs at you, guilt-trip you, or accuse you of things you never did. This is done in order to provoke a response from you.
Other examples include: promising to give you anything you want, crying, convincing you to believe something, acting like nothing happened, providing extremely romantic gestures, asking to rekindle a friendship, creating drama, and much more.
Why do Narcissists Hoover?
Narcissists are empty people. They need something called “Narcissistic Supply” in order to live. Since the narcissist is so empty and pained inside, they need to cause pain in others in order to avoid feeling their own pain that they constantly carry. They are unable to sustain their own emotional well-being or their ego, so they survive by controlling, hurting, and punishing others.
Because of this, narcissists hate when people cut them off. They need a constant source of supply, so they need someone with them at all times. They need to know that they are causing pain to someone, that someone out there hasn’t gotten over them, and that they can come back to control this person whenever they want. If you have distanced yourself from a narcissist, they will come around to hoover you back in times when they are alone and need more supply.
