Forgiveness is not always easy. When we feel harmed, wounded, betrayed, or damaged we want relief and often we want revenge. Just as revenge is a choice, so is forgiveness.
Forgiveness is a process that reshapes your experience so you are no longer haunted by the pain. It doesn't mean what happened was ok, it just mean you have made peace with pain, and are ready to let it go.
Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.
Forgiveness is for you and not for anyone else. Forgiveness does not necessarily meant reconciliation with the person that hurt you, or condoning of their action. What you are after is to find peace.
Studies show that forgiveness can bring about lower stress hormones, strengthen the immune system, lower blood pressure and reduce gastrointestinal and other body pains.
Don't be so hard on yourself. You are living and learning. Remember, when you forgive, you heal, and when you let go, you grow.
"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Colossians 3:13