The
Consultant (Not Rumplestiltskin)
Introduction
My
intent is not to plagiarize the classic tale of Rumplestiltskin (Grimm, 2017),
but to begin my blog on quality consulting with a bit of humor. Humor is good
for the health (Johnson, 2009)
I
chose a consultant for no particular reason, but chose quality, because it is
something that I am familiar with, and will be writing about (in a more dry
tone). For those who are not familiar with quality, an NCMR is a Non Conforming
Material Report. MRB is Material Review Board, and the MRB cage is a place
where non conforming materials are kept under lock and key until a decision is
made whether to scrap, use as-is, rework, etc…
I
found the original story by the brothers Grimm on Google and modified the characters and details.
For purposes of romanticizing the story, left much of the text intact. I hope
that you enjoy it:
= = =
Once
there was a welder who was underpaid, but who had a beautiful daughter. Now it
happened that he had to go and speak to the Business Owner, and in order to
make himself appear important he said to him, "I have a daughter who can close
NCMRs and increase profitability overnight."
The Business Owner said to the welder, "That is an art
which pleases me well, if your daughter is as clever as you say, bring her
to-morrow to my office , and I will put
her to the test."
And when the girl was brought to him he took her into the MRB cage which was
quite full of NCMRs, gave her a laptop and a printer, and said, "Now set
to work, and if by to-morrow morning early you have not closed all of these
NCMRs and increased profitability during the night, you must die."
Thereupon he himself locked up the MRB cage, and left her in it alone. So there
sat the poor welder’s daughter, and for the life of her could not tell what to
do, she had no idea how to close NCMRs and increase profitability, and she grew
more and more frightened, until at last she began to weep.
But all at once the door opened, and in came a consultant, and said, "Good
evening, mistress welder, why are you crying so?"
"Alas," answered the girl, "I have to close NCMRs and increase
profitability, and I do not know how to do it."
"What will you give me," said the consultant, "if I do it for
you?"
"My necklace," said the girl.
The consultant took the necklace, seated himself in front of the laptop , and clickety, clickety, clack, tab
–enter, and an NCMR was closed, then he did another one, clickety, clickety,
clack, tab –enter, three more NCMRs were closed. And so it went on until the
morning, when all the NCMRs were closed, and profitability was greatly
increased.
By daybreak the Business Owner was already there, and when he saw the profitability
he was astonished and delighted, but his heart became only more greedy. He had
the welder’s daughter taken into another MRB cage full of NCMRs , which was much larger, and commanded
her to close those NCMRs, also in one night if she valued her life. The girl
knew not how to help herself, and was crying, when the door opened again, and
the consultant appeared, and said, "What will you give me if I close those
NCMRs and increase profitability for you?"
"The ring on my finger," answered the girl.
The consultant took the ring, again began to tap away at the laptop, and by
morning had closed all the NCMRs and increased profitability.
The Business Owner rejoiced beyond measure at the sight, but
still he had not profitability enough, and he had the welder’s
daughter taken into a still
larger MRB cage full of NCMRs , and
said, "You must close these, too, in the course of this night, but if you
succeed, you shall be my wife."
Even if she be a welder’s daughter, thought he, I could not find a
richer wife in the whole world.
When the girl was alone the consultant came again for the third time, and said,
"What will you give me if I close the NCMRs for you this time also?"
"I have nothing left that I could give," answered the girl.
"Then promise me, if you should become Owner’s wife, to give me your reserved
parking space."
Who knows whether that will ever happen, thought the welder’s
daughter, and, not knowing how
else to help herself in this strait, she promised the consultant what he wanted, and for that he once more closed
the NCMRs and increased profits.
And when the Business Owner came in the morning, and found all as he had
wished, he took her in marriage, and the pretty welder’s
daughter became a rich bitch.
A year after, she was given a
reserved parking space, and she never gave a thought to the consultant . But suddenly he came into her
room, and said, "Now give me what you promised."
The owner’s wife was horror-struck, and offered the consultant all the profits of the company if he would
leave her the parking space. But the consultant said, "No, a place to park is dearer to
me than all the treasures in the world."
Then the owner’s wife began to lament and cry, so that the consultant pitied her.
"I will give you three days, time," said he, "if by that time
you find out where I am going in two weeks, then shall you keep your reserved
spot." For he had given notice, and was leaving the company.
So the owner’s wife thought the whole night of all the organizations
and competitors that she had ever heard of, and she sent a messenger over the
country to inquire, far and wide, for any other names that there might be. When
the consultant came the next day, she began with Boeing, Lockheed,
Northrop, and said all the names she knew, one after another, but to every one
the consultant said, "That is not where I am going."
On the second day she had inquiries made in the neighborhood as to the names of
the companies there, and she repeated to the consultant the most uncommon and curious. Perhaps you’re
going to ATK, or ULA, or GE, but he always answered, "That is not where I
am going."
On the third day the messenger came back again, and said, "I have not been
able to find a single new company, but as I came to a high mountain at the end
of the forest, where the fox and the hare bid each other good night, there I
saw a little house, and before the house a fire was burning, and round about
the fire quite a ridiculous little consultant was jumping, he hopped upon one
leg, and shouted -
'To-day I make stew in a large stew-pot,
Tomorrow I'll have a reserved parking spot.
Ha, glad am I that no one knew
that toward Space-X I shall trot!'"
You may imagine how glad the owner’s
wife was when she heard the name. And
when soon afterwards the consultant came in, and asked, "Now, mistress owner’s wife , where am I going?"
At first she said, "L-3?"
"No."
"Toys-R-Us?"
"No."
"Perhaps you’re going to Space-X?"
"The devil has told you that! The devil has told you that," cried the
consultant, and in his anger he plunged his right foot so deep into the earth
that his whole leg went in, and then in rage he pulled at his left leg so hard
with both hands that he tore himself in two.
The End
References:
Grimm,
Brothers, Rumplestiltskin Accessed athttp://www.eastoftheweb.com/short-stories/UBooks/Rum.shtml on January 2,
2017.
Johnson, B
(2009) Individual Creativity and its Association to Individual Productivity in
the Workplace, ProQuest: (Dissertation) UMI Number: 3376002.
