A Complete Beginner's Guide to Strap-On Sex

The concept that a cisgender lady can strap on a dildo along with a harness that makes her really feel like a cowboy and also a penetrate a different individual, no huge deal, essentially seems like the epitome of cool to me. But clearly strap-on sex is usually just as awkward as penis-in-vagina penetrative sex. You could be possessing a great old time till the dildo pops out or goes within the wrong hole or it's important to switch positions due to the fact it is hitting a spot in her vagina that feels like someone's stabbing her having a dildo, which isn't perfect. Get additional details about double dong



Jen Laws, a 30-year-old transgender man and Client Service Rep for PerfectFitBrand, has some mixed feelings about strap-on sex. "It may be a reminder that my body has failed to live up to my personal excellent about sex," he says, but it really is nevertheless one of his best 3 preferred sexual activities. Strap-ons might be used by straight girls to penetrate their boyfriends (which can be known as "pegging") or by gay women or trans males to have penetrative sex their female partners, or by any person to penetrate anybody! The penetrative options are endless.



I spoke with a bunch of females and transgender males who love strap-on sex to stroll me via each of the ins and outs of using a dildo. Initially factors 1st: Obtain a dildo and also a harness.



1. You don't need to select a dildo that appears like an actual penis. Stephanie Berman, 34, CEO of POPDildo & The Semenette, says she knows some lesbians who love dildos that look like penises, but says plenty of other women like extra sculptural dildos. And then there's a third group that thinks they all look the same in the dark, which is a legit point. The main thing you need to do is bring your partner dildo shopping so you can select one together. Carly S., 28, general manager of Romantic Depot in NYC, says a good rule of thumb is "the wearer picks the color, the receiver picks the size." Carly also recommends finding a sex toy shop that can advise you on toys that are body safe (see also: won't give you a UTI or yeast infection mainly because some will do that, and it is the worst. Usually silicone is a safe bet). Plus, a lot of stores will show you how to put the dildo and the harness together, kind of like someone at a regular toy store helping you put together a Barbie dream house, if that Barbie dream house was about to go into someone's vagina.



2. Yes, it matters if your strap-on equipment is well-made or if it really is a piece of garbage you got a good deal on. Berman says she once wore a strap-on that was really uncomfortable and cheaply made, and it broke during sex, and I'm guessing no one was psyched to pick up the sad dildo up the ground that had random hair all over it and start again by trying to make a new harness out of a sheet. Now she recommends SpareParts harnesses. "It's worth spending the extra money," she says, "Never skimp when it comes to sex and what you put on and in your physique!" Laws avoids the strapless ones (such as the Feeldoe toy line), which are fundamentally double-ended dildos with one end angled to be inserted into the active partner. "It generally just uses their vaginal muscles and nothing else to keep the toy in place," he says.



3. You can totally have different strap-ons for different moods and purposes. Carly has three different harnesses for different activities. "I have an underwear-style one that I can wear under my clothes, a leather one if that's the mood I'm in, as well as a Joque from SpareParts HardWear harness that's terrific in the water."



4. It really is really important to manage your expectations about how easy and hot strap-on sex will be. Victoria, host of sex podcast Livin' and Lovin' in NYC, 33, told me that the fantasy that you'll spontaneously screw and it will go seamlessly needs to be dismissed ASAP for everyone's sake. The reality is you'll have to take a break from fooling around to put the harness on, make sure it's fastened, and get out the lube, which can be fundamentally the opposite of spontaneous sex. In general, all the people I spoke with said possessing a sense of humor about all of the potential pitfalls and awkward moments is definitely your best friend (alongside lube...).



5. Lube is your BFF. Every particular person I spoke with mentioned lube at least 3 times, so definitely do not skimp on the lube situation. Your dildo's material can sometimes dry out your vagina, so it needs a lot extra to help it slip in and out with ease.



6. It will absolutely be awkward when you initially put on the strap-on. Berman said when she initially strapped on a strap-on, it just felt foreign to wear a penis, especially if you really feel weird about your physique, or your gender or sexual identity. In her initially lesbian relationship, she was a bottom simply because she'd previously been with males and that's what she was used to, but once she felt far more confident with her sexual identity, she was happy to be both a leading and a bottom. That said...



7. You do not need to just stick with one role of the bottom or the major. My friend Jessi, 23, said she loves being both the giver and the receiver of strap-on sex and Victoria echoed similar sentiments. "Many straight folks might assume that only one person in each sexual partnership is going to do the drilling, and if one partner is masculine, the assumption is that it's them," Victoria says. "In my case, I'm quite androgynous and tend to date feminine-of-center females, and I love to get drilled. I can't even claim to be that good at doing the drilling myself." Victoria says when she's had partners who were inexperienced with strap-ons and she nevertheless wanted them to take the reins in bed, but she told them she didn't expect them to be pros right off the bat. Bringing that kind of openness and levity to, "Hey, will you put on a harness and nail me with it even though you've never done that before and might be terrified of how weird it will be simply because it will definitely be a little weird for a bit?" can really make the person you're asking feel better about it.



8. It is way a lot more intimate than obtaining someone use a vibrator on you. Strap-on sex involves really getting to know someone, due to the fact you need to ask what the other person likes in terms of size, shape, and color (which brings us back to the "some ladies do not want the dildo to look anything like a penis at all" point).



9. Strap-on sex is not a "strap on this dildo and get to it" activity. It requires a lot of set-up before and clean-up after. Laws says he hates seeing strap-on sex in porn or on TV (I can personally only think of one scene in the L Word and of course the Broad City scene with pegging for the reason that it is really not seen very often on TV) because it takes a lot extra planning and set-up and clean-up than they ever show. "Even after a mind-blowing orgasm, the base of a dong is digging into my pelvis, and that's uncomfortable, and physique fluids or lube are just kind of messy to leave hanging about, so you must clean it up," Laws says, "Plus, harnesses always take work to get the right fit, and issues slip and move during sex."



10. It's not a penis, but use a condom anyway. Victoria says she recommends using a condom on the dildo for easier clean-up for the reason that that way you won't need to immediately wash all of the dried bodily fluids off the dildo and leave it to dry. Plus, a lot of condoms are lubricated, which can help with any dryness caused by the dildo material.



11. You should explore your strap-on in your day-to-day activities mainly because why not. Laws seriously recommends walking around with the strap-on and stroking it like you're jerking off, so you can get comfortable with it and "have fun with it" like it's part of your own body.



12. Giving a strap-on blow job could be totally hot. Laws told me the best advice he can give is to not overthink it, whether you're blowing someone or being blown. If you're the one receiving, once you feel connected to your equipment, you'll see the dildo as an extension of yourself and there'll be additional of a mental feeling of stimulation that can translate into the physical. If you're giving, just be enthusiastic no matter what you're doing. Gripping the base of the dildo and grinding that into your partner's pelvis can help with clitoral and vulva stimulation. Just pay attention to the way they're responding, so you know how much or little to keep grinding.