In all seriousness, don’t give a baby coffee. That just makes you a bad human.
People might start drinking coffee in their teens, getting a membership to
chain coffee joint for blended coffee drinks. Yet, the true coffee drinkers—the
mother functioners, one might say—experienced that first sip sentiment with the
oil of the gods.
That’s right. They nicked a sip of their dad’s plain ol’ cup of joe right from
under his nose. It was the beginning of a beautiful relationship that may have
become more during different phases in life, an essential part of growing up.
Once you’ve made it past high school, the world is your oyster.
That’s probably a lie, but you can just leave those hopes and dreams intact for
now and focus on something important—
Want to appreciate strong coffee? Take advantage of your local barista’s
knowledge (if they have it). Learn about different roast types and flavor notes
so that you can discover your coffee preferences. You may find a decent
organic, fair trade, dark, medium or cold brew option you like. It might even
inspire you to do something relevant and worldly—or even just remotely interesting—before
you turn 40.
This first, youthful taste of freedom is your best chance to explore coffee
before you reach that phase of life that’s full of self-pity, mental breakdowns
and the occasional coffee date with someone you met on a suspicious app (A.KA.,
your late twenties to early thirties).
You might not appreciate a coffee with high caffeine until well-after it’s too
late to escape the black bit of your twenties. You’re a little baby worker bee
(you precious angel, you), and that’s totally fine, but you definitely didn’t
shoot your shot of espresso, so to speak.
Just keep enjoying that
Many people have had success with coffee journeys in retirement. Maybe that’s
just because organic and fair trade coffee is becoming more popular—who knows?
Once retirees have found a coffee brand they enjoy, they can stock up and
explore the merchandise: get more mugs for their ever-growing mug collection,
buy a new thermos, try body care products with coffee grounds and pick up a
coffee T shirt or two while they’re at it.
Otherwise, they can just keep subjecting themselves to the same weak coffee
they’ve been drinking since the 80s—drowned in powdered space creamer and the
doggedness of old men.
Coffee is a funny thing. At first, it might taste bitter because you brewed it
incorrectly like a noob, or you’re just a ninny, but coffee could become a
staple in your life. It should become a staple in your life—because good
